I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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