No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
