If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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