You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
