these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
