saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
