I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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