she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
