we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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