Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
