I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My penis needs a shock collar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
