My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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