i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
