If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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