I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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