If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
