i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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