office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She's the barista slut.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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