I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
