On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
