Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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