there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
