out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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