this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
