Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had sex on a roof
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
