Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
