Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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