I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
