He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
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My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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