Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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