Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
