if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
