im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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