drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
