Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
