She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We're too hungover to prance.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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