Don't make out with my wife yet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
