I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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