i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize