Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
