we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
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Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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