so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
