Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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