i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
