I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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