i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
