Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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