people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
