your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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