WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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