We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
