I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
