Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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