I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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