so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize