I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
