After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
