I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
