I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
