ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
