Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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