we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
