Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
