dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
