I hate all girls vehemently.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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