I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
