i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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