Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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